Bonfire Heart
by Madame Atomic Bomb
Summary: An unstable and damaged Azula teams up with a reluctant Sokka to go undercover in the Fire Nation, all in a bid to save Zuko's life from assassins. As Sokka loses himself in his new murderous identity, he finds himself drawn to Azula in a way neither of them could have anticipated. PREQUEL TO ADDICTED TO LOVE.
1. Prologue

**_NOTES: _**Sokkla prequel/sequel(ish) to _Addicted to Love_, which I have not finished yet…but _will_ tackle this week. I just wanted to get this story started and tease you guys with what's to come.

* * *

**_AUGUST:_**

**PROLOGUE:**

* * *

Fire. Everywhere she turned, there was fire. Burning. Insatiable. It ate the ground, the trees igniting with a sickening whoosh and pop. She could feel her eyelashes singeing, her skin tightening from the heat as it roared around her like a living thing.

There was blood steaming on the ground at her feet. She looked down at the burning body there, at the green eye staring sightlessly up at her. It boiled and burst as the wind of the fire picked up her hair, twisting it around her face.

As if in a dream, she turned away from the body. She could hear screaming. There was pain and panic in the voice as it rose above the ravenous sound of the inferno.

There were people on fire, rolling, trying to put it out. Numb, consumed by the flames, she watched them dispassionately as they fell one by one. She felt nothing. Not fear or pity.

She was hollow inside; a void in which nothing could survive. There was only the fire.

Then, like a knife slash across the throat, the shrill sound of something crying in shocked pain rang throughout the blazing clearing. It rattled her in its incongruousness. Where had she heard that sound before?

"HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! PLEASE, MY _SON!_"

The desperate scream broke through the mindless burning numbness like a punch in the gut. Her knees weakened, her swollen right eye squeezing tightly shut as comprehension dawned on her. It was a baby, screaming in pain. Screaming for his mother as the flames came ever closer…

She breathed out, tasting ashes and her own bile.

This wasn't a dream. This was _real._

It was really happening.

She turned toward the cheerfully-painted wagon, its yellow and green paint blistering as fire engulfed it. A woman, her dress on fire, threw herself at the covered wagon's burning door, ramming her shoulder into it. The wood gave and she clamored up into it, even as smoke and fire came roiling out.

"No…don't…" she whispered, a single tear steaming as it rolled down her bruised and bloodied cheek. "I'm so sorry…"

The shrill screams cut off with a tiny choked cough, followed by an animal-like bellow of pain and horror, so deep and so devastating that it dropped her to her knees where she stood. The next moment, the wagon's roof caved in, sending sparks and a massive gout of orange and red fire licking at the pitch-black sky.

The fire roared around her but didn't touch her. Soon nothing moved except the flames. The stench of burned flesh choked the air, black and white ash raining down like snow.

"What have I done?" Azula whispered in horror, staring at her soot-covered hands, at the blood streaking her palms. "My fault. It's my fault… My fault…"

There was no one there to listen, and no one there to care.

And still, the fire burned on.

* * *

**MARCH:**

_A Year and a Half Later_

"No!" Azula exclaimed, sitting up with a gasp. She stared into the darkened room, sweat pouring down her face and making her threadbare nightdress cling to her skin. Disoriented, she stared around the small, dank-smelling room, trying to make sense of the world again, but she was lost in the dream, in the heat and misery.

Eventually, she took a deep breath and forced herself to relax her shoulders. Her shaking hands lifted, smoothing her dark hair back from her clammy face. She felt sick to her stomach, but pushed the urge to vomit back with a dry swallow. She buried her face in her palm, heaving out ragged breaths that tasted of ash.

"My fault," she muttered as the room spun around her. Eventually the dream faded to a dark whimper in the back of her mind, where it festered. She was used to pushing it back by now, though other memories shook her to her core.

_Hands. Holding her down. A blow to the head. Dirt in her bloody mouth. Laughter. Pain. And worst of all, a feeling of helplessness as she sank into unconsciousness…_

"NO!" she snarled, throwing off the thin blankets and lurching to her feet. Unsteady, she grasped the wall to keep herself upright. She took another deep breath and glanced at the window. Dawn was breaking, the light gray and thin. The ragged edges of winter frosted the grimy glass, promising a bitter day, with winds that would howl through the skeletal trees, and snake insidiously into her inadequate clothing, numbing her to the bone.

She grabbed her dirt-grimed pack, stuffed beneath the foot of the bed, and dumped her meager belongings out on the bed. A bag of coins, a brush, two sets of clothing and underclothes, a green silk robe with a scorch mark on the hem, a toothbrush, gloves, a small knife, three bruised apples, and a folded square of linen. She took up the knife, and the linen, sitting down on the floor near the window.

She turned her forearm upward, eyeing the neat row of scars shine in the dim light. A few were scabbed over and half-healed. One was fresh and tender. She prodded it, mouth pressed to a thin line.

She took up the knife, pressing its thin blade to the skin just below the freshest cut. She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering the dream, the screams. She felt the tip of the knife puncture the skin and bit down on her lip. Slowly, she pulled the knife across her skin, opening it with a shallow scrape. Blood welled up, but she immediately pressed the cloth against it, gasping as the pain radiated throughout her body.

It was a balm on her nerves, something physical to keep her in the here and now. The taste of ashes faded from her tongue as blood soaked the cloth. She flexed her hand, rocking back and forth on the hard wooden floor, lower lip trembling.

She finally pulled the bloodied cloth back and ignited a fire an inch from her index finger. She dragged the fire across the cut, letting out a little exclamation of pain as the wound was cauterized and cleansed.

"My fault… My fault…" she said, rocking, letting the pain spiral through her, ground her, hold her. She would cling to it all day, pressing her thumbs into the cut to keep it fresh. She needed it.

She _deserved it._

Shaking, Azula rinsed the cloth in the little washstand in the corner, ringing out the pink water and then dumping it out the window. Then she pulled on her clothes, stuffing everything back into her pack. Her hand lingered on the small bag of coins she'd earned on her last job guarding a caravan of spice traders. There wasn't much left. If she didn't find another job soon, she'd be sleeping in the forest again, stealing from farms and villages.

Azula shoved the coins back into her pack and slung it over her shoulder. Then she opened the door to her cramped little room, one of three above an inn on the road to Omashu.

The innkeeper was already tending the fire when she walked down the stairs. The smell of eggs, porridge and tea filled the air, making her stomach growl. She wanted to get on the road as soon as possible, but decided that breakfast was probably a good idea; who knew when she'd get her next meal?

"What can I do for you?" the innkeeper, a slight, balding man with a wide belly asked her warily. He reminded her forcibly of her Uncle Iroh, which did nothing to endear the man to her. Guilt suffused her as she turned her topaz eyes on him, staring wordlessly as the room shifted around her. She heard whispering behind her, but ignored it, as she always did when she heard it. "Would you…uh…like some breakfast, miss?"

Azula found her tongue with difficulty. "Yes."

He smiled tightlipped at her and walked over to the massive black kettle of porridge. He ladled out a large bowl, tossed a handful of berries onto it, then drizzled dark maple syrup over the whole mess. He set the bowl in front of her, along with a wooden spoon.

"The eggs'll be just a moment, miss. Can I get you some tea?"

"Yes…. Please," she said with difficulty, digging into the porridge. It was warm and sweet and she savored each bite of the plain fare. The gnawing emptiness in her stomach, which never seemed to go away these days, appreciated the warm mess. She bent over the bowl as he set a cup of steaming black tea in front of her, and then went back to the stove. She listened to him cooking, closing her eyes with each bite.

The front door of the inn opened, letting in a swirl of bitterly cold air and two figures dressed in long cloaks, the hoods up over their faces. Azula glanced at them, stiffening at the sudden intrusion.

"I'll be with you in just a moment!" the innkeeper called cheerfully, probably glad to have company other than her to deal with. Azula took another bite and watched them out the corner of her eye, one hand on her pack and the precious collection of coins there.

One of the figures leaned in to the other and whispered something, then gestured toward the table where Azula was sitting. She took a drink of her tea, her heart pounding now. Slowly, the hooded strangers approached her, just as the innkeeper set a plate of eggs and a hunk of buttered bread in front of her.

Azula looked up at him as he smiled at her.

"How much?" she mumbled.

"No charge. You look half-starved, sweetheart," he said, reaching out and touching her shoulder.

Her jaw tightened and she lifted her chin, glaring at him. She knocked his hand away with a swift swipe of her arm. "Touch me again and you'll lose your fucking hand. And don't call me sweetheart."

He blinked at her and backed up a step. "Of course not, sorry. I didn't mean… Sorry!"

"You'll have to forgive her. Azula's never been very good with people," a husky, drawling voice said behind her. It was like ice water down her back.

Azula dropped her spoon, whirling around in her chair, her hand lifting as fire bloomed from her fist. She swung at the cloaked figure behind her, but the woman danced easily out of the way, blocking the volley of fire she shot at her with a gloved hand.

She launched herself out of the chair as the woman slipped two wicked, curved red daggers out of her sleeve and threw them in Azula's direction. She immediately tucked into a roll and tumbled across the floor, feeling the daggers slice through the hair inches from her shoulders. She flipped onto her hands, shooting off fire from the bottoms of her feet with a concussive blast that set a tapestry on fire and sent both hooded intruders scrambling to get out of the way.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" the innkeeper exclaimed frantically.

"Stay out of this, old man!" Azula shot at him.

"I came here to talk, Azula!" Mai said, grasping her hood and shoving it down. Her teeth were clenched, her eyes narrowed as she glared at her. The years hadn't changed her much. Her shiny black hair was shorter, tucked into a bun at the back of her head. She seemed thinner and taller now, with a certain harshness to the set of her mouth that had once been caused by boredom, but seemed now to be steeped in stress.

"I have nothing to say to you!" Azula hissed from her crouch on the floor. She eyed the three stilettoes in Mai's gloved hand. "Awful lot of weaponry from someone who wants to talk."

"Well, you know how it is with old friends."

"We're not friends."

"We were once," Mai said tightly and then glanced at her companion. "You're a hard woman to track down."

"Good. I like it that way," she snarled. "Now leave me alone!"

"Oh for fuck's sakes," Mai's companion said with an exasperated sigh, pushing off of the doorframe and getting in between them. "Enough with the standoff. Nyla didn't drag our asses a thousand miles across the Earth Kingdom for a fucking firefight."

"June, I can handle this," Mai snapped.

"Yeah, you look like you're handling it just fine," June said, her lips twisting as she turned back to Azula, pulling a bamboo shooter out of her pocket. "Look, Princess Nutso, I've got a shirshu-spit dart in this thing. Either you put up the fire and listen to what the lady has to say while you finish your breakfast, or I shoot you with it and you listen to what the lady has to say while you drool on the floor. The choice is yours."

"Try it, bitch," Azula snarled, lifting her fist, preparing to send a volley of fire at the bounty hunter. The next moment, she felt a prick of pain in her leg and looked stupidly down at the dart in her thigh. "_Fuck_."

Her limbs went numb as the flames died. All of the tension ran out of her body as the shirshu poison shot through her like lightning. She collapsed onto her face, suddenly unable to move. June rolled her over onto her back and stood over her with a smug grin on her red lips.

"Word to the wise, don't ever call me bitch. _Sweetheart_," June said, waving the shooter at her. Then she looked at Mai with a quirked eyebrow. "She's all yours."

"Thanks, June," Mai groused, stowing her weapons back into her sleeves. She crouched down next to Azula and pulled the dart out of her leg, tossing it aside as she surveyed her grimly. "You always have to do things the hard way, don't you, Azula?"

"Fuck you."

"_And_ you've gotten a mouth on you. What _have_ these peasants taught you?" Mai said, grasping her by the collar of her shirt and hauling her bonelessly into a sitting position. "I just came to talk. I think you need to hear what I have to say, so listen up."

"I don't know what's going on here, or who you people are, but I can't have you attacking my customers and setting the place on fire! You need to leave!" the innkeeper declared, rushing past them and ripping the burning tapestry off of the wall. He stomped on it a few times to put the flames out.

"June?"

June sighed again and tossed a bag of gold at the man's feet. He picked it up and looked inside with wide eyes, whistling through his teeth as he lifted a coin to the light. Then he straightened, tucking the bag into his sleeve. "You have an hour."

He exited the room with haste, leaving the three of them alone. Together Mai and June hauled her up into a chair and set her firmly in it. Her head lolled on her shoulders as she struggled to move her limbs, but they were unresponsive. She was trapped.

Narrowing her eyes, she watched as June grabbed her abandoned plate of eggs and started eating as if she hadn't a care in the world.

"You're probably wondering what I'm doing here," Mai said, watching her as she crossed her arms across her chest and sat back in her chair. "And I'll be frank, it wasn't _my_ idea."

"Did Zuzu send you?" she said through her thick tongue. Mai's lips tightened to a thin line. "Is there a bounty on me?"

"No, he didn't. He doesn't know I'm here. In fact, he and I broke up a while ago."

"My condolences," Azula snorted, trying to wiggle her toes, but it didn't feel like they were even attached at the moment. "So what do you want?"

Mai glanced at June, who was tearing large hunks of the bread off with her teeth, looking utterly unconcerned with the conversation. Mai turned back to her with sober eyes. "I was sent to recruit you by an organization called the Smoke Demons. They're basically an underground terrorist cell, with spies, assassins and agents in the Earth Kingdom and the Fire Nation. They recruited me a year ago and I've risen through the ranks as a spy. Their ultimate goal is to take down the Harmony Restoration Movement, cripple the Fire Nation, depose Zuko and build a new nation from the ashes."

"You joined a terrorist cell dedicated to taking out your ex-boyfriend?" she slurred. "Fuck, how bad was your breakup?"

"I _know_, right? Then again, I'm not surprised. Scarface always was a real charmer," June commiserated, slurping Azula's tea. Mai made an aggravated sound and glared at the two of them.

"Anyway, I started off doing low-level stuff. Spying, information gathering. They're attempting to take over the army and I know for a fact that there is at least one spy in the Royal Palace right now and probably more than that, though I don't know who they are. The Smoke Demons are secretive, even within their own organization. There seem to be layers upon layers of connections, each one leading to a higher tier within the organization. No one ever has the whole story when it comes to information; they give it out piece-meal. I get all of my orders from three people, who get _their _orders from other people, who get it from other people, and on and on up the chain. I haven't ascertained who's in charge yet."

There was a gleam in her eye, an edge that denoted determination. Azula's eyes narrowed, the corners of her lips just managing a curl before falling slack again.

"They sent me here to recruit you, Azula. I personally advised against it."

"Why's that?"

"I told them that you were unstable, untrustworthy, self-centered, evil and that you didn't take orders well. They insisted that you were necessary to their plans though. Personally, I think they want to use you to get close to Zuko."

"I'm not close to Zuko. I haven't seen him in years."

"But you _are_ his only sister. If you came back into his life, he'd welcome you."

"He'd never trust me."

"Not if he's smart, he won't," Mai said snidely. "But Zuko has this stupid thing he does. He wants to believe in the goodness of people. I blame Aang for that. If you came back into his life, he'd allow it. And you could kill him when his guard was down. Just like you've always wanted."

"And why would I want to kill him?"

"Because you're still the princess of the Fire Nation. He's unmarried and childless—"

"No thanks to you."

Mai's fist tightened on the tabletop. "Zuko has no heirs. If he's dead, the crown is yours. He's never disinherited you or banished you from the Fire Nation. Legally, you're still his successor."

Azula stared at her old friend. "I don't want the throne."

Mai's eyebrows lifted into her thick black fringe. "That's a different tune than the one you used to sing."

"I just want to be left alone, Mai. I'm doing fine on my own."

Mai glanced around the shabby little inn, and then eyed her threadbare clothing with a knowing expression. "Yes, I can see that. Doing guard jobs for trader's caravans is definitely the life you had planned for yourself. Not to mention the incidents which seem to follow you wherever you go?"

"Don't—"

"Like that fight in Shinlin Village? Or what happened in Bakchang? Or that fire in the Forest of Wei?"

"SHUT UP!" Azula screamed, her paralyzed body breaking into a hard sweat. She could feel panic rising up through her, blinding, choking. She wanted to sink away, to disappear. She could feel the heat of the flames creeping up on her. The screams of the mother and her baby echoed in her ears, reverberating through her soul.

"Face it, Azula. You're nothing but trouble, a sad, crazy woman with nowhere to go and nothing to look forward to. If you killed yourself tomorrow no one would care," Mai said softly as Azula swallowed back the rage inside of her, feeling Mai's words echoing through her body, smashing through her rage with a bleak, blunt force trauma.

Her thoughts ran in devastated little circles, the whispers in her head growing louder and louder until she could barely hear Mai over their shouting. She just wanted it to stop. She wanted something to grasp. She could no longer feel the pain in her arm from her cuts. She wanted it. Needed it…

"The Smoke Demons can give you a mission, Azula, a _purpose_. They'll take care of you. Feed you, clothe you, and put you on the throne. All you have to do is kill your brother."

"And why do _you_ want Zuko dead?"

"Because he doesn't deserve to be on the throne. He's an _usurper._ The Fire Nation needs strong leadership, not a puppet government installed by the Avatar," Mai said automatically, the words coming out of her as if she'd memorized them. It was clearly the Smoke Demons party line.

Azula blinked, swallowing back the saliva that was collecting in her slackened mouth. Her gaze narrowed on Mai. She noted the tense way the woman was holding her shoulders, the sweat on her temples, the hardness of her eyes.

Mai was nervous. _Scared,_ in fact. And she was _lying_.

"Answer me one question," she asked slowly. "Why did Zuko break up with you?"

"What makes you think _he_ broke up with _me?_" she snapped in reply.

"Why else would you be so pissed off at him that you want him dead?"

Mai's pale face flushed a little and she looked away. "_I_ broke up with _him._"

"Why?"

"That's personal _and_ irrelevant."

"Answer the question, Mai."

Mai was quiet for a moment and then her eyes flicked back to Azula. "We fought all of the time, okay?"

"Actually, what you said was, 'I loved him, but I couldn't stand to be around him anymore because I felt suffocated.' She also thinks he's fucking his bodyguard now," June said pointedly. "Are we almost finished? I want to get on the road before those rainclouds get here."

"Yes, thank you, June," Mai said, her lip curling. Azula stared at her, waiting. "Why do you want to know?"

"Why are you terrified that I'll say yes and join the Smoke Demons?" Azula asked, shifting in the seat. She was starting to get some feeling back in her fingertips, but the rest of her was still dead weight.

"I'm not—"

"You _are._ I can see it. You're here because you have to be, but you've done your best to attack and insult me, hoping that I'll be so angry I'll refuse out of some stubborn, wounded pride. You know me all too well, Mai. You know how I tick."

Mai barked a humorless laugh and slung her arm over the back of her seat, leaning to the side. Azula didn't miss the way she was fingering her red-bladed sai. "I _used _to know you, Azula. But that was before you lost your mind. There's something broken about you. I can see it in your eyes. It's even worse than before, when Zuko put you in that institution. You think _I'm_ scared? _No._ I look at you, and I've never seen anyone more terrified in my life. What _happened_ to you?"

Azula inhaled sharply and glanced at June, but the woman was busy cleaning her nails, looking bored at the conversation. Her eyes flicked back to Mai.

"I'm _not_ going to kill Zuko."

"Why not?" Mai insisted, leaning toward Azula, fist clenched.

_Yes, why not?_ A voice in her head asked, but she shoved it down. She didn't know how to answer that question, really. There had been a time in her life when she'd wanted that, because her father had wanted that. She remembered that last Agni Kai, when she'd felt everything slipping out of her grasp. When she'd wanted nothing more than to watch the world burn, and Zuko with it. At least in the flames, things had made sense. The black and white, clearly defined parameters were easy to understand. But things were confusing now. The hatred she'd felt for her brother was a faded thing, a discarded childhood plaything that moldered in the corners of her confused and fractured mind, mixed in with guilt and anger at herself…her mother…her father…

She had been gone for years now, adrift, working her way through a world that feared her. And well it should. She was dangerous, unstable…all of the things Mai had said. And more. So much more that no one could ever know… The daily nightmare of her life was unspeakable.

"I don't need a reason. I just won't. I _won't_ betray him, so go fuck yourself, Mai."

Mai tilted her head, eyeing her with a gleam of approval in her gaze. Slowly a smile curved her lips. "I was hoping you'd say that."

"You're a double agent, aren't you?" Azula said, already knowing the answer.

Mai nodded and studied her face for a long moment. "The Smoke Demons think I'm loyal to them, but I've been working to take them down since they recruited me. They recruited June too, but I paid her off to change sides."

"What can I say? I go where the money is," June said with a smirk.

"And you wanted to recruit me to help you too?"

"Hell no. I told you, it was the suggestion of someone high up. I think its part of their plan, although I'm not sure what that is yet, exactly. I thought you'd jump at the chance to kill Zuko and I was afraid you'd accept the offer and make things even more complicated. Still am, to be honest."

"Does Zuko know you're working for these people?"

"No. I can't risk telling him in case the spy in the palace finds out."

"I want to help."

Mai's eyebrow lifted in surprise. "Why?"

She hesitated and then said the first thing that came to mind. "Boredom, mostly."

Mai shook her head, as if not believing her. "Can I trust you, Azula?"

Azula smiled and moved her hand a little bit. The paralysis was starting to wear off finally. She shrugged as much as she was able. "I guess we'll find out."


	2. One

**_Notes: _**I didn't abandon this story, in case anyone was wondering. I've just been very busy. So um...basically there's a lot of Sukka this chapter, but don't worry Sokklateers, your time is coming! :D Be patient and you shall be rewarded!

* * *

**_1._**

**_September_**

_Six Months Later_

Sokka rolled over, staring at the uneven surface of the plaster wall, Suki's taste clinging to his lips. He felt her hand on his back, resting gently there as if to soothe him.

He didn't feel soothed.

He didn't feel much of anything, really. It had been three months since he'd last seen her, since they'd made love. There had been nights when he'd missed her so much he'd thought he'd go crazy for wanting her, when his bed had felt too damned empty to sleep in. On those nights, he'd sought a bottle and fallen asleep at his desk or his couch. He missed her. He loved her.

She'd been back in Republic City for nearly three days though, _three days_, and this was the first night they'd been together. He should have been ecstatic, should have stripped her naked the moment they'd gotten away from Zuko and all the pomp a visit from the Fire Lord brought.

But that hadn't been what had happened.

Every kiss was…different. Every caress, every look she gave him seemed distant, weighted down by something…and if he were honest, the reticence was coming from both of them.

Not for the first time, he felt that something was standing between them, something unspoken, unacknowledged, something with a hint of regret about it. He had a feeling he knew what that something was, and it soured his good mood like a stab in the back.

"So that was…" Suki started, her hand hot on his back as he glared at the wall.

"Yeah."

"I think we're both just tired and stressed," she said lightly. "It's been a busy couple of days. I know I've been in meeting after meeting with Zuko. He's been exhausted. I'm worried about him."

A sour taste flooded into his mouth as he tightened his jaw, staring daggers at the plaster. If he'd been a Combustion Firebender, he would have involuntarily blown the whole damned wall apart.

_Zuko. _

It always came back to Zuko with her. There had been a time when he'd thought the way Suki looked out for Zuko was sweet, just another wonderful aspect of her caring personality, and a natural off-shoot of her job as his chief bodyguard, and as his friend. However, over the years, he'd started to suspect that Suki had a crush on Zuko.

He hadn't thought much of it at first. Suki had always been in love with _him_, after all. Despite the fact that she lived in the Fire Nation, and that he split his time between the Republic and the Southern Water Tribe, going months in between seeing each other, their relationship had been strong, full of love and passion. He hadn't felt threatened by a harmless little crush, not when it was his arms Suki was sleeping in. Not when Zuko hadn't seemed like he reciprocated those feelings. Not when Zuko and Mai were together.

Things had started to change over the past year or so, though, and he couldn't help but notice that it had started, more or less, when Mai had broken up with Zuko.

And then there were the rumors.

To be sure, there were always rumors floating around about Zuko, about Aang and Katara, about Toph. Even about Sokka. Being friends with the Avatar and the Fire Lord, and the famous inventor of Metalbending put one in the crosshairs of the public. Ludicrous stories followed all of them wherever they went. Most of them were outright lies, and others only held the barest grain of truth, blown all out of proportion.

But…somehow, the rumors about Zuko sleeping with his chief bodyguard had struck him somewhere deep in his heart. A part of him knew that it wasn't true, that neither Suki nor Zuko would do something like that to him…but there was a nasty, bitter part of him that did believe it. Maybe not that they were sleeping together, but that _something_ was going on.

He'd noticed something between the two of them, a closeness that hadn't been there before. The smiles and the way they touched each other, the way Zuko had kissed her hand before they'd left. It had seemed gentlemanly, but the blush in Suki's cheeks had made Sokka see red. He'd even seen the way Zuko had watched him and Suki when they'd left together earlier tonight. The look on his face had been…tortured.

"You can't seem to get Zuko off of your mind," he said out loud, and there was no hiding the bitterness in his voice. "I'm surprised he even let you off of your leash tonight."

Suki's hand slid away from his back and he felt her sit up on the bed behind him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," he mumbled, closing his eyes. "We should get some sleep. I have a meeting with the builders over at Air Temple Island, and you've got a big day of standing around watching Zuko's every move."

Suki made an insulted little noise; half-sigh, half-growl of aggravation. "It's my _job _to watch his every move."

"Yeah, doesn't mean you have to be up his ass every damned minute too. I hope he doesn't charge rent." He pitched his voice higher, imitating her. "'Oh, Zuko! Can I get you anything? Do you need me to work later? What can I do for you? I want to _please_ you, Zuko!'"

"_Excuse_ me? What in the fuck are you implying, Sokka!?"

He sat up and rolled over to face her. She was sitting against the headboard, arms crossed, holding the sheets over her naked breasts. Her face was livid with anger and confusion.

_She doesn't even get it._

"I don't know what I'm implying. I just feel like you didn't even want to be here tonight," he said, pushing his legs off of the bed. He sat on the end and hunched over, rubbing his eyes. Exhaustion crawled over him, and not just from their lovemaking. He'd had a long day.

"We haven't seen each other for three months. Trust me, I wanted nothing more than to be with you tonight. Why would you think I wouldn't?" she said, her voice full of hurt.

"Because Zuko might need you."

"Zuko has Ty Lee to guard him tonight. He…he doesn't need me. Zuko knows that we haven't seen each other for a while. He feels bad about how long it's been, actually."

"Not bad enough to give you time off to come for a visit."

Suki's eyes narrowed. "It's not like _you_ took time off to come visit _me._"

"Well, I've been really busy. I've got about ten projects on my plate right now."

"And I've been busy too."

"No, _Zuko's_ been busy," he said uncharitably.

"When _he's_ busy,_ I'm_ busy. That's how my job works."

"Yeah, but anyone could do your job, you don't have to be up his ass all of the time."

He regretted the words as soon as they left him. Suki's face shut down, her jaw clenching as she tightened her lips. Her blue eyes blazed in an instant.

"Is that what you think? That my work is...nothing? Unimportant? _Easy?_"

"I didn't mean…" he started, but she'd already thrown the sheet off and was climbing out of his bed. "Suki…"

"You know, I don't know what your problem is, but you can shove it up your ass, Sokka. I didn't come here to be insulted. I didn't come here to accused of…of…I don't even _know_ what!" she shot at him, grabbing her discarded dress and yanking it on.

Regret filled him as he grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around his waist. He shot to his feet and crossed the room to her. "Don't…don't go! I'm sorry!"

"Damned right you're sorry!" Suki said, whirling on him and jabbing him in the shoulder. "My job may not be important to you, but it is to me! If you don't respect that, then you don't respect me! And if you don't respect me, then you can just go fuck _yourself_ next time I'm in town!"

"I'm sorry!" he exclaimed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm just… I shouldn't have said that. I don't know what my problem is."

"That makes two of us," Suki said, glaring at him. "I came here to be with you, Sokka. I _want_ to be with you… Not anyone else."

Sokka met her gaze, trying to find the truth in her words. Even though she hadn't said Zuko's name, his spirit seemed to hover in the air between them, invisible, his influence like a spreading, seeping stain. Bitterness filled him. He wanted to believe her, he wanted to believe that there was nothing going on between his girlfriend and one of his best friends. He wanted to believe that Zuko wouldn't do that. Most of all, he wanted things to be how they used to be.

He felt like he was losing her.

"I want to be with you too," he said, reaching out a hand and cupping her cheek.

"Then stop being a jerk," she said, putting her hand on his and tilting her head into his palm. A little smile softened the anger on her face and he felt his own anxiety ease.

_I'm being stupid. Maybe I've been making it all up. Maybe there's nothing going on. Maybe I just believed those rumors when I should have known better… _

"I love you and I miss you," he said softly and was rewarded with a full smile from her.

"I miss you too," she said, putting her arms around his neck. She drew herself up against him as his arms wrapped around her waist. "So stop trying to push me away. I'm leaving in the morning…"

"Seems I'm wasting time then…" he said, feeling desire uncoil in his groin. He nuzzled her nose, inhaling her scent. He kissed her softly, as if to make up for earlier. Not just the fight, but the awkward lovemaking as well.

Suki's lips slid along his, soft and ripe. He lifted her off of her feet, her powerful, feminine body like a licking flame, igniting him. She groaned in the back of her throat, wrapping her legs around his waist. He turned them toward the bed as the sheet slipped off of his hips and fell to the floor, tangling on his feet.

He stumbled forward, and they landed on the bed with a bounce. She laughed as she broke the kiss, her fingers burying in his loose hair. "Whoops…"

"Idiot," she said, brushing his hair back. She kissed the tip of his nose and he felt warmth spread down his spine. He pulled back, staring into her eyes.

"Suki…you're the only woman I'll ever love…" he said seriously. Suki went still beneath him. A flash of…something…went across her face, so fleeting that he almost thought he'd imagined it. She bit down on her lower lip for a second, swallowing.

"And you're… Sokka, you're…" she stammered and then lifted up, slamming a rough kiss to his lips. He tried to pull back, uneasiness flaring through him, but she held him tightly to her. Her hand reached between them, encircling him.

"Suki…"

"Shut up and fuck me, Sokka," she said against his lips.

A groan left him, guttural and filled with desperation. Rucking her dress up around her hips as she slid her thighs around his waist, he, pinned her there beneath him. Suki bucked her hips upward and he entered her with a shared groan of pleasure.

Their bodies moved together, fingers clenching, clutching. He took her hard and fast, trying, in some way to keep her there with him. But no matter how his fingers dug into her, no matter how hard he kissed her, he felt like she was a million miles away from him. The look in her eyes wasn't passionate; it was _determined._

Afterwards, she rolled over onto her side, breathing hard, hugging her arms around her middle. Sokka lay on his back, sweat drenching him as the silence between them turned into an echo of all of the things they weren't saying.

Sokka stared at the ceiling, noticing how Suki made sure she wasn't touching him. He reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, but drew back at the last moment. He closed his eyes, the ache in his chest radiating throughout his body.

_She's right here…I'm still losing her._

* * *

"We should all get together soon," Aang was saying as he embraced Zuko in a warm, back-thumping hug. Sokka watched from the sidelines as Zuko pulled back with a large smile on his face.

"Of course! I know how busy you are building the Temple," he said, gesturing to the island and the various buildings under construction with one hand, "but even _you_ have to take a break sometime, Aang."

"Katara and I would love to have you come stay when the Temple is completely finished. It's been too long since we all took a vacation together."

"Vacation? What's that?" Zuko scoffed as Aang laughed. He turned to Katara and drew her into a warm hug. "Take care of him, will you? I think your husband works too hard."

"He does, and I try my best to slow him down, but you know how he is," Katara said, cupping Zuko's face and kissing his cheek. "But tell me who's taking care of _you_, Zuko?"

Sokka didn't miss the way Zuko's gaze furtively skirted toward Suki, who was standing a few feet away, talking to Toph. Ty Lee was pacing the courtyard where Zuko's airship was moored, one hand on her fan, the winds coming in off of the sea lifting her long brown braid off of her shoulder.

"I don't need anyone to take care of me, Katara," Zuko said, shifting in place, looking embarrassed. Katara lifted one eyebrow at him. "No matter what my Council says."

"Still after you to get married?" Aang asked with a laugh.

"It's their favorite topic. They're probably going to auction me off if I don't get married soon," Zuko said, but the worry in his voice was only half-serious.

"Poor Zuko…" Katara said, patting his arm and walking toward the women. She leaned into Suki and the women embraced. "Make sure he doesn't get devoured by the women of the Fire Nation, would you?"

"Are you kidding? Making sure Zuko's fangirls don't rip his clothes off on a daily basis is half of my job description," Suki said, cutting her gaze toward Zuko, whose lips parted as if he might say something.

"And the other half?" Sokka said sharply, his voice cutting through the air like a knife.

Zuko cleared his throat as Aang and Katara shared a look, and Suki's lips pressed together in a thin line.

"Making sure no one assassinates me in my sleep," Zuko said, his tone purposefully light, though it did nothing to ease the knot of tension in Sokka's chest. A thousand accusing words tumbled up from the roiling pit of his stomach and teetered on the tip of his tongue as Zuko met his gaze with a confused expression on his scarred face.

_And what's she doing in your bedroom while you sleep?_ The question lived and died in his blue eyes as he glared at his friend.

"Well, you're not dead or bedding desperate ladies every night, so I guess you're definitely getting what you're paying for. I'd say Suki deserves a raise," Toph joked, her voice breaking through the tension as she jabbed her elbow into Suki's ribs. The others laughed, but Suki was staring at him with a hurt expression on her face.

The awkwardness of last night hadn't been forgotten. This morning had been tense. Neither of them had said much over breakfast. There were so many things that they just weren't talking about, and he felt like a complete chicken shit for not confronting her. For not asking the right questions. For not demanding that she tell him what was wrong.

But he _knew_ what was wrong, or thought he did.

Now he could barely look her in the eyes. And all he wanted to do was grab Zuko by the throat and shove him against the airship while demanding that he stop looking at Suki like that.

_She's mine, asshole. Just because Mai left you doesn't mean you can take my girlfriend from me…_

As soon as that thought entered his head, he felt a rising tide of guilt in him that he pushed back with painful twist. His hands fisted at his sides as Toph hugged Suki. Suki said something to her that he couldn't hear, her gaze still on him over the smaller woman's shoulder.

"Sokka?" He started as he turned toward Zuko, who had walked over to him, his hand out. Automatically, he took Zuko's hand, shaking it. "We haven't had much of a chance to talk since I arrived."

"I know you've been busy," he said curtly.

"Yes," Zuko agreed with a shrug. "But still. I hope you and Suki had a nice night. I know she's been pining for you the last couple of weeks."

"Has she?" he said through stiff lips.

Zuko looked at him oddly. "Of course. You know, I feel like I've been keeping her from you."

_I'll bet you do._

"Is there something going on that I should know about, Zuko?" Sokka said softly, glancing toward Suki, who was watching them with an apprehensive look on her face. He turned back to Zuko, who looked perplexed.

"I don't know what you mean." He _did_ look confused, Sokka noticed. Zuko's eyes narrowed and he leaned toward him, his voice pitching lower. "Did you and Suki have a fight?"

"No. It's nothing. She just seemed distracted. We…uh…both were."

"Oh, I see. Well, I'm sure it's nothing." Sokka studied Zuko's face as he turned his gaze on Suki. Zuko's eyes softened for a moment and then he squared his shoulders, clapping him on the shoulder. "She loves you very much, Sokka. You're a lucky man."

"Don't you fucking forget it."

Before Zuko could respond to his pointed remark, Zuko's pilot came out of the airship and announced that they were ready to depart. Zuko squeezed his shoulder and then walked away. He hugged Toph, and then Katara again, before shaking Aang's hand.

Sokka turned to see Suki coming toward him. She'd been keeping her distance since they'd arrived on Air Temple Island together. The odd, unspoken weight seemed to settle between them even now.

"Sokka…" She reached for him, enclosing his fingers in her gloved hand. There was a sad, worried look on her painted face. "Is everything okay? Did I… Did I do something? Are you angry with me?"

Here was his chance. _Just ask her. Ask her what's going on between her and Zuko. Ask her if the rumors are true. Do it. You have to know…_

The questions tumbled back down his throat, choking him. He stared into her beautiful eyes and felt a weight on his chest. He thought of the distance between them last night, the miles stretching between their hearts, even as they made love. Everything was different. Something had changed.

He couldn't say the words though.

"No, of course not. I'm just… I'm being an asshole. I just don't want you to go," he said, which was the truth. If she left now, he knew, somewhere deep down, that he might never get her back. He didn't know how he knew it, but he felt it in his bones. He reached out and cupped her face.

"I don't want to go either. Maybe in a few weeks I can come for a visit. If Zuko doesn't need me, that is."

Anger flashed in him. "I'm sure if you just _told_ him you needed time off he'd give it to you."

"I'll ask," she said softly. "Write to me and let me know when your schedule isn't so hectic, okay? Actually…just write to me. Please? I miss you so much when you don't write."

He forced a smile onto his lips. "I promise. I'll write every week. Twice, if I can spare the time."

"Don't forget."

"I won't," he said solemnly.

"Are we okay?" she asked tentatively.

"Of course," he said, bringing her in for a soft, sweet kiss. He could still feel the heat between them, and despite it all, despite his questions, his suspicions, her distance, he knew that she felt it too. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against hers. "Don't forget about me when you're gone."

"Never," she said with a smile.

"We'll be together again soon."

"Promise?"

"I promise," he said and kissed her lips lightly. Then she slipped out of his hands and walked to the airship, which was floating a foot or so off of the courtyard now. Zuko and Ty Lee were already in the carriage, and as Suki approached, the Fire Lord held out his hand for her. He pulled her into the open door of the carriage, and the buffeting winds practically threw them into each other.

Sokka's eyes narrowed as he saw Zuko's arm slip around Suki's waist to steady her. She smiled at him, one hand on his shoulder. Zuko's face colored and then he let go of her, pulling the door shut with a wave of his hand. Aang cut the mooring ropes and the airship lifted into the early autumn sky, spiraling up into the clouds with a golden glint and a flash of red.

Sokka watched them go until the clouds swallowed them, his arms crossed over his chest, his face a mask. Katara and Aang walked away, but Toph came and stood silently beside him.

After a few minutes, she punched his shoulder.

"Ow."

"Wuss." He grunted in reply and she let out an exasperated sound. "What is your problem? Seriously, I thought you were going to punch Zuko for a minute there."

"Stay out of it, Toph."

She snorted. "Like that's gonna happen. What's the deal?"

"Go away," he turned on his heel to walk away, but the ground beneath his feet shifted and he felt the cobblestones rise, entrapping his left foot with a hard grip. He looked down at his trapped foot and then up at Toph. "Seriously?"

"Start talking," Toph said, jabbing him in the shoulder. He stared at her, knowing that she wasn't going to let him get away, not until she got what she wanted. Reluctantly, he ran a hand down his face and sighed.

"Suki and I…"

"Had a fight?"

"Sort of. Things are weird. I don't know why."

"Sure, just like you haven't heard an ass-ton of rumors about Zuko banging your girlfriend," Toph said and for once, he felt a little jealous of Toph's ability to cut through the bullshit and hit the heart of the matter dead in the black.

"They're not true."

"_I_ know that. Suki wouldn't cheat on you, and I know Zuko wouldn't do anything so underhanded. But do _you _know that?"

His jaw jutted out, teeth clenching hard as he glanced at his friend. "She has a crush on him."

"A crush? What are we, teenagers? Who cares if she's got a crush on him. She's in love with _you_."

"I'm not sure if that's true anymore. I think there's something going on there. Maybe she doesn't realize it. Maybe _he_ doesn't…but I can just feel it. I just… I think I'm losing her," he whispered, feeling gutted.

"So how is acting like a festering butthole and pushing her away supposed to help then? If you think you're losing her, then _go get her_."

"It's not that simple."

"It is for me. See the guy. Want the guy. Get the guy."

"Kick the guy out in the morning when you're done with him," he teased, fighting a grin for the first time. To her credit, Toph didn't look even a bit ashamed as she shrugged and grinned back at him.

"Men are like apples. Satisfying when I have a craving, but easily bruised and just as easily tossed out when I'm finished with them."

"Slut."

"That's Chief Slut to you," she said, affronted as she lightly tapped his chin with her closed fist. "Cheer up. You haven't lost her yet."

"What if I do?"

Toph shrugged again and released his foot. "I wish I had the answers for you, Sokka, but I don't."

He watched her walk away for a moment, and the glanced up at the sky. The airship was long gone though. He felt a weight settle on his chest. He hoped that he was wrong, that it was just those stupid rumors getting to him.

He declined to say goodbye to his sister and brother-in-law and rode the ferry back to the city in a cloud of unhappiness. He tried to throw himself into his work, but all he could think about was the way Zuko had put his arm around Suki's waist to steady her. Finally, darkness fell on the city, and a thick fog rolled in off of the sea.

It matched his mood. He stared out his office window for a long while, and then pulled out a bottle of alcohol. It burned all the way down his throat, but he took drink after drink just to dull the pain. It was nearing midnight, everything swirling and warm, when he passed out at his desk.

He dreamed of Suki, and a shadow between them. He reached for her, but there was someone else there instead. He screamed a name, he wasn't sure what it was, and then he felt like he was falling into water. The ocean swallowed him up, tumbling him through the surf. His lungs screamed for air, but as he stroked for the surface, a hand came down on top of his head and pushed him back under.

"WAKE UP!" someone shouted, as he felt something cold and wet slap him in the face with a startling shock.

"NO!" he screamed, sitting up and reeling out of his chair. He landed against the wall, catching himself on his bookshelf at the last second. Still half-caught in his drink-induced nightmare, he wasn't sure if the phantom before him was real, or just another horrible part of his dream. "What the fuck….?"

"Oh good, you're awake," Azula sneered.


End file.
